I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
