They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
