I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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