shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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