ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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