You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
