I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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