every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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