I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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