His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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