I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
