Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
