I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
