She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
