i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
