apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
