I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
