I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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