Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
