you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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