watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
