that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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