I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
