I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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