i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
