Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
