and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
