don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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