We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
