weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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