bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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