I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
