Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
