I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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