I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
