Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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