god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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