She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
