We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
