i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You took a bar mat shot.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
its liver damage thursday
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
