just come out here and I will go home with you...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
