Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
