I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
