he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
