I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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