dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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