I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
