Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
