We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
