I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
