i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
