So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
