we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
