i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
