so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
