uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
