Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
